30 Minute Pregnancy Review

Pregnancy is something that words can't explain. No matter how hard people try. Mostly because pregnancy is so very different from person to person.

My one of a kind experience started with a positive pregnancy test in July and is coming to an end - hopefully - some time this month. The middle is already beginning to get a little fuzzy, so I'm recording the experience while I still can.

First, I will freely admit that I've had an easy pregnancy. No health issues. Baby has grown beautifully. I am so thankful for this blessing because the few issues that I did have threw me for a loop. I'm not sure how women who have truly hard pregnancies - like constant nausea or needing bed rest - do it. How do they get anything done and why in the world do they decide to do it again?

Way to go ladies. Way to go.

As for me, tiredness, feeling overwhelmed and some slight nausea is all I can really complain about. So I'll skip the complaining.

I think the emotional aspect of pregnancy threw me for a loop much more than the physical aspects. Though watching those stretch marks grow on my belly has certainly triggered some minor emotional meltdowns. I never understood what hormones can do to your mood. Turns out it's a lot.

Crying at insurance comercials. 'Nuff said.

I think the scariest thing for me was learning that we're going to have a boy. I'm not sure why a boy scared me at first. I have two little brothers. I've always been outnumbered by boys. It's not like I won't know what to do with him. From my experience with the favorite boys in my life - Matt, Dad, Ben and Coleman - I know that football is a given, basketball is back up and, if all else fails, throw some cool electronic toy their way. And they're happy.

So I  moved past that fear and on to a general fear of how to care for a baby. Feed him, change him, bathe him... I think I can do that. I've read a book, several blogs and a few websites. With my mom showing me how, I think I'll get there.

So now I've settled on the fear of what kind of mother I will be. Can I raise my son to be a man after God's heart? How can I show him a good example when I have so many shortcomings? Will I be too controlling? On and on the questions continue.

As you can see, my "problems" with this pregnancy have all been up in my head. For me the struggle has really been about balancing fear of messing up - which I think is at least semi healthy and if nothing else shows that I take this role of motherhood seriously - and trust in God that he'll lead our family down the right path.

While the following could be a whole other post, I'm going to go ahead and cram in here the two big lessons I learned about how to treat a pregnant woman.

Number one. And this is a big one.

Do not verbalize my doubts about their decisions. On more than one occasion another woman - and sometimes even a man - has asked me what my plans were for labor, or breastfeeding, or sleeping arrangements. And then mocked my answer: "Yeah right, we'll see." Or they questioned it: "Do you really want to do that?" Or they dismissed it: "Well, you might change your mind about that." Or they just smile an all knowing smile.

Now, I fully realize that none of this was done maliciously. Everyone who did this to me was a good-hearted person who thought they were giving me advice from the wisdom of their experiences. And I don't hold a grudge against a single one of them. (But don't even get me started on people who aren't parents thinking they know more about how to raise my child than I do.)

My point is that depsite all of the research I did on the topic and the discussions I had with Matt and the thought I had put into what would be best for my family, these comments made me doubt myself. And that's a truly horrible thing to do to a first time mother. Because surely every first time mom has doubts about their abilities to be a mom. We're allready second guessing ourselves. We don't need others to do it for us.

So I am resolved to not be this person. Unless someone expresses a desire to put their newborn's toes in a meat grinder to help them learn to handle pain, my lips are sealed.

After all, if they want my advice, they'll ask for it.

Number two.

No comment about a pregnant woman's body size is appreciated.

"You're so big." "Are you sure you're not having twins?" Nope. Not OK. Don't get me wrong, I take the good natured jokes fine most of the time, but catch me when I'm already feeling down and you've got yourself a grumpy pregnant woman.

Even saying a woman is small can make them feel like they're doing something wrong. And, in my experience, you get half of the people telling you you're big and half telling you you're small which is incredibly confusing. We all grow a baby differently. Don't comment.

And saying someone "looks pregnant in the face" Really, REALLY, R.E.A.L.L.Y isn't OK. Again, I know these people aren't being ugly. But even words dropped carelessly - especially if they ring true to a fear I already had - can really sting,

Appropriate things to tell a pregnant woman include "You look beautiful." and "You're going to be a great mom."

Well, that's my 30 minute pregnancy review. Soon I'll be on to the next phase: caring for a newborn.

I'm so blessed.