Welcome Luke!

It's been five weeks since Luke Jackson Lanham was born. Five life-changing, overwhelming, exhausting and humbling weeks ... but more on that later.

As I've thought about Luke's birth, the details seem to be slipping out of my memory. So I've finally forced myself to sit down and put in writing the wonderful day that Luke joined our little family. While I doubt the majority of my friends will be interested, the few pregos I know (if they're like me) will be spending quite a bit of time reading birth stories to get an idea of what their big day will be like. While I'm happy to offer up my story, be warned, you can't possibly be prepared for labor.

March 25

I woke up with contractions at about 4:45 a.m., though I didn't know that's what they were. They didn't feel anything like the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been having for several months. Other signs convinced me that it was time and when Matt got up at a little later to find me sitting in the living room and googling labor signs, I told him he shouldn't go into the office on that day.

The contractions started coming really fast and by 8 a.m. they were 3 minutes apart. Considering we had planned on going to the hospital when they were five minutes apart or when I had to work through them, we were really confused about what to do. I did not want to go to the hospital too early because I knew it would increase my chances of getting an epidural. But we called the doctor on call and after visiting with me a bit and hearing me go through a contraction, she said to go ahead and come in. ... If I had only known how much further up the pain scale I still had to go. Ha!! Looking back I can't believe I thought I was actually close.

When we got to the hospital I was dilated to a two. Which was incredibly disappointing considering I was at a one two weeks ago. I had such a long way to go. But the doctor let me stay at the hospital and we called our parents and our wonderful friend Peggy who served as our doula.

Contractions started getting harder, family members started drifting in to say hello before going to the waiting room and the next several hours are really a huge blur now.

Things I remember:

• Getting stuck at 9 centimeters.
• How little I cared about what people saw while I was working through and then resting from contractions.
• The pain was all in my back. What fun!
• I managed to avoid an epidural or any other form of pain medication mainly because I could not imagine having to bend over and be still for 30 minutes while someone stuck a large needle in my back.
• How helpful, calming and all around amazing Peggy was through the process. I don't think Matt and I could have done it without her.
• Pushing was only 30 minutes. Yay me!
• It was a relief to push ... ish. It just felt like a different kind of pain to me and it was NO fun.
• Luke was born at 6:50 p.m. Monday, March 25.
• I left the delivery room thinking maybe next time I would get an epidural, but the memory of the pain has already faded enough that I think if I did it once, I can definitely do it again.
• Those first few moments with Luke in my arms were so not what I expected and that first hour where everyone left the room and it was just me, Matt and Luke were heavenly.

Falling in love
It's true. I fell in love with Luke the moment he was born, but what surprised me was how intensely I fell in love with Matt all over again.

I couldn't have gone through giving birth to Luke without Matt. His was the hand I wanted to hold, the calm voice telling me I was doing great. Later Matt told me that he had to stare at the monitors most of the time because it was hard to look at me in so much pain. I didn't notice, my eyes were pretty much closed the entire time. But I felt how much he cared. And to his credit, he never once suggested I get an epidural.

Looking through pictures of the birth the other day Matt said he still couldn't believe that I did that. I think I went up a notch in his eyes too.

I loved how quickly and completely Matt fell in love with Luke when he saw him for the first time. From day one he has been Luke's biggest fan, biggest protector. He changed all the diapers until we got home from the hospital.

Matt's love for Luke was immediate and instinctual. He loved (and still loves) holding him. And he held him so gently.

Luke
As for Luke, he's perfect. He's so strong and already works so hard to do things like lift his head and roll over. (Yes, he's already learned how to roll from his tummy to his back.)

He's vocal, especially when he's tired. And he does something unexpected every day. He's not one to follow my perfectly laid out schedules or plans, but in many ways that's a good thing. He's already making me a better person.

I'll get to more about Luke later. Back to the birth.

It was wonderful, painful, overwhelming and life altering. I learned a lot about myself and Matt and neither one of us were disappointed with the way things turned out.

30 Minute Pregnancy Review

Pregnancy is something that words can't explain. No matter how hard people try. Mostly because pregnancy is so very different from person to person.

My one of a kind experience started with a positive pregnancy test in July and is coming to an end - hopefully - some time this month. The middle is already beginning to get a little fuzzy, so I'm recording the experience while I still can.

First, I will freely admit that I've had an easy pregnancy. No health issues. Baby has grown beautifully. I am so thankful for this blessing because the few issues that I did have threw me for a loop. I'm not sure how women who have truly hard pregnancies - like constant nausea or needing bed rest - do it. How do they get anything done and why in the world do they decide to do it again?

Way to go ladies. Way to go.

As for me, tiredness, feeling overwhelmed and some slight nausea is all I can really complain about. So I'll skip the complaining.

I think the emotional aspect of pregnancy threw me for a loop much more than the physical aspects. Though watching those stretch marks grow on my belly has certainly triggered some minor emotional meltdowns. I never understood what hormones can do to your mood. Turns out it's a lot.

Crying at insurance comercials. 'Nuff said.

I think the scariest thing for me was learning that we're going to have a boy. I'm not sure why a boy scared me at first. I have two little brothers. I've always been outnumbered by boys. It's not like I won't know what to do with him. From my experience with the favorite boys in my life - Matt, Dad, Ben and Coleman - I know that football is a given, basketball is back up and, if all else fails, throw some cool electronic toy their way. And they're happy.

So I  moved past that fear and on to a general fear of how to care for a baby. Feed him, change him, bathe him... I think I can do that. I've read a book, several blogs and a few websites. With my mom showing me how, I think I'll get there.

So now I've settled on the fear of what kind of mother I will be. Can I raise my son to be a man after God's heart? How can I show him a good example when I have so many shortcomings? Will I be too controlling? On and on the questions continue.

As you can see, my "problems" with this pregnancy have all been up in my head. For me the struggle has really been about balancing fear of messing up - which I think is at least semi healthy and if nothing else shows that I take this role of motherhood seriously - and trust in God that he'll lead our family down the right path.

While the following could be a whole other post, I'm going to go ahead and cram in here the two big lessons I learned about how to treat a pregnant woman.

Number one. And this is a big one.

Do not verbalize my doubts about their decisions. On more than one occasion another woman - and sometimes even a man - has asked me what my plans were for labor, or breastfeeding, or sleeping arrangements. And then mocked my answer: "Yeah right, we'll see." Or they questioned it: "Do you really want to do that?" Or they dismissed it: "Well, you might change your mind about that." Or they just smile an all knowing smile.

Now, I fully realize that none of this was done maliciously. Everyone who did this to me was a good-hearted person who thought they were giving me advice from the wisdom of their experiences. And I don't hold a grudge against a single one of them. (But don't even get me started on people who aren't parents thinking they know more about how to raise my child than I do.)

My point is that depsite all of the research I did on the topic and the discussions I had with Matt and the thought I had put into what would be best for my family, these comments made me doubt myself. And that's a truly horrible thing to do to a first time mother. Because surely every first time mom has doubts about their abilities to be a mom. We're allready second guessing ourselves. We don't need others to do it for us.

So I am resolved to not be this person. Unless someone expresses a desire to put their newborn's toes in a meat grinder to help them learn to handle pain, my lips are sealed.

After all, if they want my advice, they'll ask for it.

Number two.

No comment about a pregnant woman's body size is appreciated.

"You're so big." "Are you sure you're not having twins?" Nope. Not OK. Don't get me wrong, I take the good natured jokes fine most of the time, but catch me when I'm already feeling down and you've got yourself a grumpy pregnant woman.

Even saying a woman is small can make them feel like they're doing something wrong. And, in my experience, you get half of the people telling you you're big and half telling you you're small which is incredibly confusing. We all grow a baby differently. Don't comment.

And saying someone "looks pregnant in the face" Really, REALLY, R.E.A.L.L.Y isn't OK. Again, I know these people aren't being ugly. But even words dropped carelessly - especially if they ring true to a fear I already had - can really sting,

Appropriate things to tell a pregnant woman include "You look beautiful." and "You're going to be a great mom."

Well, that's my 30 minute pregnancy review. Soon I'll be on to the next phase: caring for a newborn.

I'm so blessed.